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Review: Quantum Of Solace

November 17th, 2008

Quantum Of Solace poster

Quantum Of Solace

Let’s just call a spade a spade and say that the new James Bond movie Quantum Of Solace sucks. It’s confusing, dizzying, generic and, worst of all, boring. The movie is as dull as the title is confusing. The title is taken from an Ian Fleming short story but the movie has nothing to do with that short story. Or Fleming’s character of Bond for that matter.

In his second outing as Bond, Daniel Craig does little to change the Moose’s low opinion of his Bond. Once again, he plays Bond as a construction worker thug with an English accent. You would be forgiven if you thought this Bond was the guy you hired to pave your driveway. While there was some depth to Craig’s performance in Casino Royale, his performance here is more one note. Bond is out for revenge and nothing more. He barely finds any time for bedding women.

Aston Martin

Some people have noted that James Bond has become a British Jason Bourne. There is some truth to that. Like Bourne, Bond has and is no fun. He’s a stuntman posing as an action hero. Take a moment to think about James Bond. What pops into your head? Tireless playboy who beds anyone without a Y chromosome, vodka martini shaken not stirred, classic introduction (Bond…James Bond). Without the mannerisms and stylish flourishes that Bond is known for, the character becomes little more than your generic action hero that could be played by any muscle bound meathead with an English accent.

Quantum Of Solace

But what about the story? Well, it’s both simple and incomprehensible. At its core, it’s basically Bond looking for revenge against the people that killed Vesper. But in the hands of Monster’s Ball director Marc Forster, it’s a confusing, convoluted mess that wants to be both realistic and fantastical. And did I mention stupid?

The villains are a super-evil organization named Quantum that has people everywhere. Why do I say that they’re super-evil? Because instead of world domination, they want to become a utility company. That’s right, the whole motivation of the bad guys in this movie is to become the sole water supplier of Bolivia. Very exciting stuff. The bad guys are headed by a goggle-eyed, effeminate, tofu eating Frenchmen Dominic Greene in a tuxedo who Bond somehow has trouble defeating in a fight despite the fact that he can take out rogue MI6 superagents and an army of evil militants with no problem.

Tofu Eater

As for the Bond girl, only an incompetent idiot would take a beautiful Ukrainian model (Olga Kurylenko) and cast her as an unsexy Bolivian out for revenge armed with a pout and a bad haircut. Oh, hello Marc Forster. Are you the one that decided to place the boring finale in a luxurious hotel that looks like a Motel 8 in the middle of the desert? That makes about as much sense as the rest of the movie.

Olga Kurylenko Olga Kurylenko

Buy the Moose a cup of coffee.