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The Oscars are over and you’ve had a week to recover from the ennui you felt watching the telecast. Now that we’ve had a little time to reflect on the Academy Awards, let’s review the big winners and losers of the 80th Annual Academy Awards.
Learn from the example of Brook Busey-Hunt, otherwise known as Diablo Cody, and you too can go from the pole to the Academy Awards. Only in Hollywood is there such a creature as the hooker with the heart of gold. This year, the Academy has ushered in a new sub-species: the stripper with the award of gold. So for all you strippers out there thinking of a career change: dust off your typewriters, get out your kneepads and polish your dancing poles because the Academy just might have an Oscar for you.
Forget the lengthy strike the writers just lost that produced fewer gains than losses, the idiotic writers fell for the hype and voted a stripper and marketing campaign the winner both of their Guild award and the Oscars for Best Original Script. At least the Coen Brothers won for No Country For Old Men. But now every female writer looking for acclaim and validation from their peers will be hitting the poles. And what about the men? What’s an intelligent, self-respecting male writer to do? Become a gigolo? Hmmm…
Winners: Fox Searchlight
Once again, Fox Searchlight has proved itself when it comes to marketing and promoting indie films. This year’s little-movie-that-could Juno has surpassed last year’s surprise (Little Miss Sunshine) by surpassing $100 million at the box office and winning an Oscar for its stripper-cum-screenwriter Diablo Cody. This boutique division of Fox is quickly turning into the Miramax of the 90’s.
Losers: The Oscars
This year’s Oscars had the lowest ratings ever for the Academy Awards since the modern ratings system was invented over 30 years ago. In fact, the ratings were at least 14 percent less than the previous least watched show in 2003. To top it off, this year’s show also suffered from considerable audience erosion from the beginning of the awards to the end (when the big awards are announced). Something’s gotta change before this perennial awards show becomes irrelevant.
Winners: The Coen Brothers
The Coen Brothers, who have always been hit-or-miss with their movies, have a big hit this time around as No Country For Old Men earns them personally three Oscars a piece and is their biggest box office success to date. What’s especially refreshing is how they’ve accomplished all of this by doing things exactly the way they’ve done it since the beginning: their own way.
Losers: Paul Thomas Anderson
Aside from the obvious reasons, Paul Thomas Anderson is a big loser this year at the Oscars going 0 for 3. Don’t worry Paul, after another twenty years of making pretentious films, you too can direct an inferior remake of a superior Hong Kong film and win an Oscar just like your overrated hero.
Winners: The Bourne Ultimatum
This spy thriller (and a sequel, no less) racked up 3 wins in the technical categories. That makes this the 2nd most winning film at the Oscars this year behind No Country For Old Men.
Losers: American Actors
All four of the acting categories have been swept by European actors. Perhaps we should move the Oscars to Prague. If only Cate Blanchett had won, oh wait, she’s Austrailian. I meant Ellen Page. Wait, she’s Canadian. Uh, unforgettable character actor Tom Wilkinson? Oops, English. Sigh.Buy the Moose a cup of coffee.